so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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