So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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