I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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