Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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