Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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