Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
