Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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