you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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