Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
