Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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