a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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