there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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