This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
