i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
