There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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