I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
