I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
