great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
