All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
