spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
