Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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