I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
