the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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