he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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