I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
