I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
