Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
