i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
why do cheetos always look like penises
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
