They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize