There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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