Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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