we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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