It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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