The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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