remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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