He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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