and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
