this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
