Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize