She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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