Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
