1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
