is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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