Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
