The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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