it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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