I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
