i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
