Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
