Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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