Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
