So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
