Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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