so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
