How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
