He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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