Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You ruined the universe
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
