i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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