I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
