did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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