3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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