the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
