thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
