friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
