hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
