I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize