Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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