I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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